The following is a guest post by Michele McGraw. Michele is part of the youth ministry staff at Grace Covenant Church. Her post is part of the on the go training that we give adult leaders in our youth ministry. The principles should be transferrable to other youth ministries with small group programs.
Scripted Drama
I was watching an episode of “8 Simple Rules… for Dating My Teenager Daughter,” and the teenage sisters were fighting because one of them made the cheerleading squad and the other didn’t. Their parents had this dialogue:
“I can’t live like this! They keep fighting!”
“They’re teenagers.”
Unscripted Drama
Middle and High School teens are known for being prone to drama. If it’s not “he said, she said,” it’s “they stole my boyfriend/girlfriend.” Emotions run high. While we tend to associate drama with the young ladies, we can’t discount the same type of issues with the guys.
Drama comes with the territory of these age groups. As small group leaders we are often placed in the middle of it. The good news is that we have the opportunity to squash it.Here are the three ways to navigate these types of conversation.
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Validate their emotions. We may see that their drama is petty, but to them it’s a big deal. Gently tell them that you understand that they are upset or had their feelings hurt, and help them to see that their problem is temporary.
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Allow for all parties who are involved to speak without interruption. Many times teenagers simply need to feel heard. Allow individual to share what’s on his or her heart is a big deal (see number 1). Often times, assumptions are made, so a moment to be honest with each other is beneficial.
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Tie in the Spiritual.
Remind them that Jesus has forgiven our sins. Not only has he forgiven them, but he has forgotten them! We should strive to do the same. The enemy wants to create division. Friends give each other plenty of reasons to leave, but so much growth in Christ takes place when we forgive and press on!
Teenagers are trying to figure out who they are, and they do it emotionally. As adults, we can provide a voice of reason, mediation, and encouragement.