The following is part of the on the go training that I’ve begun to give our adult leaders in our youth ministry. The principles should be transferrable to other youth ministries with small group programs.

Rock Nerd

Growing up, I was obsessed with rocks. Everyone in my third grade class had a rock tumbler that would take rough, ragged rocks they’d find on the ground and turn them into shining beauties to be set in a Jack-in-the-Box decoder ring. Although I didn’t have the fortune to afford a tumbler myself, I still fed my obsession.

I’d walk around, constantly looking down, hoping to find a rose quartz or an amethyst crystal. Usually I’d walk home with a regular white quarts and few pieces of gravel in my pocket. Although the payoff wasn’t high, the joy of discovery was. It was a simpler time.

Discovery Rather Than Dictation

As you lead small groups, remember that you’re leading your teens on an expedition. Your questions are mile markers that guide them toward rare diamonds of wisdom. And half the joy of the process is discovery.

When you enter into dialogue with teens, lead with questions rather than statements. Let them make the statements. Consider the following hypothetical dialogue:

Leader: “Jesus did a lot of miracles during his earthly ministry. Why do you think he did so?”

Jane: “Because he’s God.” (At this point, Jane’s just dialing it in, picking up bits of dirt and mulch, rather than seeking the real goods.)

Leader: “Good point, Jane. (affirmation is good before a challenge) Why does it matter that Jesus is God?”

Jane: “Uh…I guess the miracles showed that he was God?”

Leader: “What do you mean there?”

Jane: “Well, the miracles Jesus did fulfilled Scripture about the Messiah, and it showed the people that Jesus had power over disease and death.”

Instead of telling Jane the answer the Leader was looking for, the Leader pressed Jane on the easy answer with another question. When you’re leading discussions, don’t be afraid to ask that follow-up question. Like the rock tumbler, follow-up questions refine the gems that you’re guiding your teens to collect. As you ask for further clarification, you lead the teen to discover the true and beautiful truths that you want to impart.

One of the great challenges of youth ministry is the juggling act that one has to perform to maintain the ministry. I mentioned in a previous post that because there are so many focuses, it’s important to know “what’s in the air” or what are all the different things that you’re having to handle.

I’m simply not smart enough to keep it all together in my head. In fact, I sometimes try to, only to find myself in a dizzying chaos of thoughts and unmet expectations, let alone those nagging feelings of, “what did I forget?” And so I’ve settled to have a constant list available to me that lets me record things that need to get done, or refer back to find out what to do next.

In his book, Getting Things Done, David Allen advocates having an “inbox” or a place to dump all that stuff you’re trying to remember. It’s a single place that you trust that you can retrieve tasks from, or put tasks in. So your mind doesn’t have to stress out trying to remember stuff.

Most people just call this a task list. And whether it’s a moleskine, a phone app, or carrier pidgeon (ok maybe not that), task lists are a must for a youth worker.

1. Task lists are a must because you’ve got too much to forget. One of the stereotypes of the common youth worker is that he’s woefully forgetful. Couple that with the fact that you already have too much to remember and you have a recipe for unmet expectations and heartache. At least having a task list gives you the chance to remember what you’re supposed to. What you do with it is another story altogether.
2. Tasks lists are a must because without them you don’t even know what you don’t know. One thing that a list of all your outstanding tasks will do is help you feel the weight of what you’re having to do. Like nerves throughout a body, a full task list will help you remember what you must do in all your areas of responsibilities.
3. Task lists are a must, but they’re not enough. If not knowing what’s going on is giving you a cloudy head, having an unorganized, fully-articulated list of everything you need to do can have an equally dizzying effect. Consider organizing by tasks related to particular roles or project.

For a resource on getting organized, Getting Things Done by David Allen very helpful.

The following is a guest post by Michele McGraw. Michele is part of the youth ministry staff at Grace Covenant Church. Her post is part of the on the go training that we give adult leaders in our youth ministry. The principles should be transferrable to other youth ministries with small group programs.

Road Trip

Growing up, when my family went on vacation, we would drive. There are six of us and this option was a lot cheaper than all of us hopping on a plane.

My sister’s and I weren’t always the most easy going and spent most of the time asking an absurd amount of questions: “When are we leaving? How long will it take to get there? When can we stop? When can we eat?” It drove my parents insane. My Mom would always answer saying, “just go with the flow!”

While we hated that answer, my mom had a point. Why not just go with the flow and enjoy the family time? (She’d chuckle if she knew that I was approving of this phrase.)

Going Off The Page

I’ve noticed that when I lead small groups, I am often so focused on getting to every question on the discussion guide that I miss out on opportunities to have real discussions with the girls. While it is important to keep your middle and high schoolers on track (somewhat of a conundrum I understand), feel free to deviate from the questions if you feel like your group really needs to talk about something.

You can lead discussion by allowing the teens to answer each other’s questions. Asking open-ended questions can help to keep communication open and flowing naturally. Take a moment to feel out where the group is and where they need to go. Assess if it’s ok to go off topic, or if they need to be redirected.

If you’re anything like me, you like to know who, what, where, when, why and how, and you need that information now. Let’s take a cue from my Mom, and “just go with the flow.”

When I was in college, one of the many skills I obtained was the ability to juggle- poorly. I could juggle three tennis balls for about ten seconds before it was a mess of neon green bounciness. To be honest, I never did become proficient in juggling. One of my dorm mates juggled bowling pins, torches and small children as a profession. But alas, I left college with a degree in computer programming and as a complete failure as a circus carny.

As life has moved on, I’ve discovered that I never really left juggling behind. I may never brandish three finely sharpened axes while riding a unicycle, but I do juggle nonetheless. Especially when it comes to youth ministry, juggling is the name of the game. The job is a continual process of keeping various responsibilities and roles in the air- preacher, pastor, developer, leader, servant. And the goal is to be successful in all and keep any one role from splitting my metaphorical brain-case.

I’m coming to accept the fact that I’ll always be a juggler.

1. When juggling, know what is in the air. Part of the challenge of doing youth ministry is the ever-present surge of important things. You have to prepare a message. You need to reach out to a teen. You need to meet with an adult leader. It’s important to have a list somewhere that tells you all the roles you need to juggle.
2. When juggling, know when to share the ax-load. I’m only good at a very small list of things. And let’s be honest, I’m not too good at those things either. So whenever I have an ax I can hand off, I do. Because I don’t need to be only one in our ministry executing, so long as the job gets done well. And if someone else has a strength in an area that I don’t, great.
3. When juggling, remember your audience. With so many roles, it’s easy to fall into “people-pleasing” mode. You want to please those whom you serve. But “people-pleasing” becomes a problem when it dictates your priorities. So it’s always helpful to remember that you’re working to honor God. You’re a juggler for Jesus. Serve others faithfully but remember that your identity and value are tied to Christ, and not what you do.

Recently, I finished reading Sustainable Youth Ministry by Mark DeVries. It’s a book that I received from a friend in ministry who swears by it as a handbook for youth ministry health. I had put off reading it, but upon his persistent urging, I picked it back up and read it.

I’m thankful that I did because it’s a short, but extremely helpful read.

The Right X

The premise of Sustainable Youth Ministry is that succeeding in youth ministry is not dependent on the “right guy” or the “right facility” or even the “right program” but is the result of consistently working a systematic process. The remainder of the book describes how one builds such a systematic process of discipleship that is sustainable, apart from a dependence on “the right X.”

Instead of focusing on that one thing that would change the ministry forever, DeVries suggests that a systematic approach is foundational to creating a sustainable youth ministry. This means clarifying and articulating things like vision and mission, values, measurable goals, yearly events, job descriptions, etc. DeVries also discusses the process of shifting culture from the negative to one that is positive and conducive to building momentum.

In thirteen chapters DeVries raised a number of questions and considerations with which I had never dealt. It is an intimidating thing, because merely reading the book revealed how little of a plan I had before reading it. But that is part of the strength of the book. Because in shedding light on “what I don’t know I don’t know,” I at least now feel more equipped with questions that I need to answer in order to provide a clearer path for our youth ministry.

Overall

Overall, Sustainable Youth Ministry is like a trip to the dentist. No one likes the dentist, except the dentist and his banker. But going to the dentist is a lot better than a mouth full of cavities. In the same way, DeVries challenges his readers to evaluate how ministry is done at a foundational level. Instead of avoiding the problems that cause so many youth ministries to fail (such as unmet expectations, conflicting definitions of success, political turmoil, etc.) DeVries challenges us to define success, clarify expectations, engage in strategically supportive relationships within the church, and to work a strategic process consistently instead of reactively doing ministry like Olympic ping pong match.

This is an important read because doing youth ministry well over an extended period of time is important. We don’t just want growth and success here and now. We want success that is sustainable.

The following is part of the on the go training that I’ve begun to give our adult leaders in our youth ministry. The principles should be transferrable to other youth ministries with small group programs.

Awkward…

Have you ever been at a party and made a comment, immediately after which the whole room goes silent? Sometimes silence is the loudest noise that we can hear. In the five seconds of silence that pass your mind begins to do some sort of Matrix-esque time-deceleration as you begin to soak in the atmosphere of awkward.

Sometimes when we facilitate discussion in small groups, silence creeps in. You ask a question, and it appears to fall flat before teenagers who either are deaf or don’t speak English as their first language. You have been stonewalled.

Don’t Panic

In those few seconds that pass before a response, don’t panic. Silence can be your friend in small groups. And more often than not, the length of the silence is shorter than your perception.

So the next time you’re faced with a silent response, relish the quiet. Give your teens a second to let the question sink in. And wait for a response. Once your teens have had a chance to think, you’ll find that they may have an insightful response.

Don’t fear the silence.

A while back, I wrote a post stating that in youth ministry, “communication is key.” The statement holds true. One of the ways that you find out that communication is so important is by witnessing the result when communication breaks down. Programs fail. Leaders get offended. Parents become impatient. When communication fails, things get ugly.

And while there are many pitfalls that beckon the unwary to their demise, here are three that I have had to recover from first-hand.

• Assuming that you don’t need to communicate. There have been many times when I didn’t want to bother others with communicating information, assuming that they had already heard. However, often, that is a poor assumption to make. People are busy. And especially as it relates to youth ministry, no one will be more focused on what your ministry is doing than you. So it’s probably safe to err on the side of over-communication rather than make an incorrect assumption.
• Assuming that you only need to say it once. Repetition is the mother of memory, or something like that. It places additional needed emphasis on whatever it is you’re trying to communicate. When you have your message, your mission, your whatever, repeat it. People catch what you’re saying a lot less than you feel like you’re saying it.
• Assuming that you don’t need to follow up. So many good ideas or projects have died after someone failed to follow up. I’m usually that person. This one comprises both of the other two because after you’ve communicated once, you assume that the other person has got and that they don’t need you to follow-up and remind them. A lack of follow-up leads to those awkward moments when you ask yourself, “who was supposed to order the pizza?” Don’t let the children go hungry. Follow-up.

The following is part of the on the go training that I’ve begun to give our adult leaders in our youth ministry. The principles should be transferrable to other youth ministries with small group programs.

You’re Busy

Life is busy. And as adults it seems that like continues to get busier as time goes by. You have the nine to five job, the home improvement projects, weekly chores, and the list goes on. And for those with parents, there are diapers to change, papers to help write, and games to drive to. Responsibilities are legion.

So it’s no surprise when we get intimidated by the idea of connecting with teens outside of our normal small group meetings. After all, who has more time to give a bunch of freshmen boys when you can’t even fit everything in your schedule right now?

But here’s the thing. Most people have two minutes that they can spare. Two minutes are like those two kernels of popcorn that you stole out of your friend’s bowl of popcorn. Who’d notice two minutes?

Your teens would notice two minutes.

It Only Takes Two

Get on Facebook. Get on your phone. Get on your email. And just write a little 30 second message for a few of your teens. “Hey, just wanted to let you know that you’re great!” “Really appreciated your input in small group!” “Wanted to let you know I’m praying for your breath.”

Whatever the short message might be, it’s doesn’t need to be long. Just take two minutes. And what you’ll find is that two minutes invested consistently over time will reap great relational dividends. Because they’ll say, “that was two minutes they spent on ME!”

You don’t need another hour in the day. You just need two minutes.

I grew up during the Karate Kid era. Kids my age were tying bandanas around our foreheads and doing crane kicks all the time. And. Karate. Ruled. Life.

What was so appealing about the Karate Kid story? Aside from the board-breaking and Joe Esposito Karate Kid anthem, what hooked me was the amazing mentoring that Daniel-San got from Mr. Miyagi. Imagine meeting this short Japanese man, wanting to learn Karate and then being forced to do manual labor in hopes of one day getting some “real” training. And then BAM, you find out you’ve been training this whole time, and that Mr. Miyagi is basically the smartest guy you’ve ever met.

Mr. Miyagi was a great mentor. Some of his methods may have been unorthodox, but he guided Daniel from awkward to awesome. And we may not all be in the middle of an adolescent drama, but we all need guidance from people who have gone before or at least can show us the way.

• Mentors give you outside perspective. One of the worst thing about being a rookie is that you’re seeing everything for the first time. In one sense, it’s an exciting thing because everything’s new. But that means that you’re having to figure out every challenge without any experience or reference material. This is where a good mentor is great. They can provide an outside perspective that hopefully involves some experience, some history.
• Mentors give you balance. Another thing about being a rookie is that it’s hard to stay balanced. And in youth ministry, there are so many things that you can focus on, that it’s not hard to get unbalanced quickly. Relational ministry. Adult leadership. Bible study. Parent involvement. Environment. All these things can be come “the thing,” causing the ministry to get unbalanced. A mentor helps to break the tunnel-vision so that you can see all the areas that need focus.
• Mentors are an encouragement. One thing I’ve thoroughly enjoyed has been the opportunity to rub shoulders with youth leaders who have experience. Whether they’re giving advice or offering critique, it’s encouraging to know that you’re not in the boat alone. It’s valuable to have other people in your boat.

I’m thankful for the mentors who have guided me and continue to guide me.

Recently, our family celebrated Easter. It was a moment to remember the death and resurrection of our Lord, Jesus. It is also a time to get together with family and enjoy being together.

This Easter, my eldest boy was old enough to enjoy some of the festivities. He was dressed up in his Easter best, a white button-down shirt, seersucker pants, and a yellow sweater vest. And let us not forget the seersucker bow-tie. His mother was ecstatic.

Thinking about that moment and my brief time as a father, I have three reflections.

• Parenting is hard. I’m pretty sure everyone knows to be true. But there’s knowing, and then there’s knowing… After having one kid, I realized that parenting was hard. Then after have our second, I’ve realized that I didn’t even know what I was talking about. I’m sure I’ll have similar sentiments when we have another.
• Parenting is sanctifying. Or at least it is supposed to be. There is nothing like a toddler in the morning to help you focus on something other than yourself. The more I live life as a dad, the more I appreciate the Father’s love, His care for me, and His grand scheme, which does not terminate on my life, but extends to the legacy with which He as entrusted me.
• Parenting is a blessing. This comes off as one of those things I’d need to admit because the Bible says so, but experientially, it is so true. Before having kids, I enjoyed life, and thought I appreciated the fullness of all ways that God had blessed me. But after having kids, it is as though I lived life with only a limited number of the colors in my life. I had love the colors I had, but once our boys were born, we were blessed with new colors, new brightness, new vibrance. And I never would have had the chance to enjoy these colors, or truly known what I was missing unless I had been blessed to be a “daddy.”